Objectification is a tricky thing. As a Pilates Teacher I need to look at my client objectively in order to determine what movements need to be done in order to bring the body into alignment. I have had clients apologize for the way their different body parts look and I tell them I don’t care at all in any way. I’m not there to judge how they look, that’s not my m.o. I’m there to see how each part moves in relation to the other parts and also in space. It’s as if they have PTSD, they are so used to being judged by the size and shape of their bodies by everyone – including themselves. At times it’s hard for me to turn my objective-looking off, just ask my friends and family! Believe it or not most people are not thankful at all when I give them completely unsolicited assistance with their less than perfectly straight posture.

My mother once said that doctors look at you like a piece of meat (as opposed to a sexual object I guess?). I think she told me that to keep me from feeling super uncomfortable and self conscious when I was a teenage girl about to have my first internal examination. I’m not really sure anything could have kept me from feeling self conscious in that situation but it stuck with me. It’s helped me feel slightly less uncomfortable through subsequent doctor’s appointments imagining the doctor seeing me like a personified steak or hot dog in a cartoon. When I told my doctor what my mother told me he said that is not how he sees his patients. He said that he regards all body parts equally whether they be reproductive in nature or not.

Another gem from my mother: I remember talking to her on the phone. At the time she lived on the opposite side of the country from me, and she said “you’re over 25 now so you’re probably getting wrinkles.” I NEVER thought about it before then, the thought had never crossed my lightly lined brow – but I can tell you I’ve been aware of it every day since. She chipped away at my self esteem over thousands of miles.  

I’ve had men and women in a professional setting tell me I should change my clothes or hair, that I need to wear makeup, that I would be so much hotter if I lost a few pounds. Never mind all of the great work I did as if that was only secondary to my appearance. And as much as I’ve intellectually moved past the idea that my worth as a human is wholly dependent on my physical appearance I am still inexplicably compelled to worry about my looks. Thankfully after entering middle age it’s mostly just in fits and starts now as opposed to a constant crushing burden.

I have steadily gone out of my way to make my daughter feel comfortable in her own skin which I’m not sure you can do for another person, but if you can then I am on it! I’ve been sure not to degrade myself in her presence and really just in general (I also make sure not to degrade other people or her….just in case you wondered). I want her to understand that although the way she physically presents herself to the world is important (“yes Honey, you have to shower AND put on deodorant AND brush your teeth on a daily basis”) no matter how other people perceive her it is never more important than how she sees herself. Being physically and emotionally healthy should always conquer pretty and thin. 

Since we can’t change society overnight I believe that it’s up to us as women to reject being manipulated and playing into unfair stereotypes. We need to support each other and build each other up. This certainly goes across the board since we should respect and support all people. But as women we can be our own and each other’s harshest critics. 

My next blog will most likely have something more to do with exercise.